When we had our first child 13 years ago I was 27, although Ryker was a very challenging child I woke up each day feeling happy, excited about what that day would bring and having tones of energy.
We waited seven years before we had Reegan. She was a delight, sleeping through the nights at six weeks. Being a mother to this little girl was one thing but not being tired all the time made it the best of the best.
In between looking after my own .. I also ran a day home and looked after 5 kids each day. I woke up around 5:30am and would go for a walk. Around 6:30am the kids would start to arrive and my days were then filled with caring for not only my own but other's. I felt unstoppable. People would tell me all the time they didn't know how I did it. I was able to look after these kids... keep my house in order... exercise on a daily basis.
So when we decided to adopt another child I really felt I could handle the extra child.
Lately I feel like I have failed miserably!!!!!
Now I wake up at 6am and lie in bed trying to convince myself that it would be O.K. for Ryker to either miss school or be late, all so I don't have to get up. Then once I finally get up showered and get Ryker off to school I no sooner walk through the door when I hear Larkyn crying .. so now I change her feed her and entrained her.. Then our little ray of sunshine comes jumping down the stairs wanting attention... attention .. attention...
I once was a person who was organized and very structured. Even though I am physically in the same room as my family more and more days I feel like I am not there at all, just going through the motions. I am not stupid I know moms go though hard times.. I am no stranger to depression, but honestly I truly figured I was past this part and after many years of experience, handling a house, three kids and a husband would be a piece of cake.
I am so lucky to have the life that I have yet these days I feel like I can't get enough rest or down time.
So there you have it. I am officially a mess!!!!!
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD!!!!!!
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6 Don't Be Shy Leave Me A Comment:
I wish I had more words to help ease your frustration and sadness.
Maybe you it is a touch of PAD?
Do not be so hard on yourself. You are a great Mom and wife.
Keep smilin!
It all sounds familiar. I think as women/moms/wives we all go through this. I agree with Doris, a touch of PAD maybe? You know I am all too familiar with that!
Thinking of you and sorry you are having a hard time of it right now.
Take care of yourself first and it helps bring on brighter days ahead.
It sounds like winter has done you in a little...a little depression due to lack of sunlight?...this winter has been soooo long...don't beat yourself up; you sound like things in general are great...its the Feb-March BLAHS....It will get better...you don't have to feel happy all the time...Hang in there...from another Albertan who loves Alberta, but is exhausted of the Albertan winter and is a mom to three wonderful children too (two adopted from China;my youngest in November...so I know...)...
Aww so sorry. We all feel like this..a lot trust me! I feel like I never have any alone time unless I stay up until midnight every night. Sounds like you need a just "mommy" day!!
I've found it very hard too. We are just now getting into a "normal" family rhythm and after six months our lives feel good again (an we only have two kids!). Hang in there it will get better! A friend of mine just brought home a baby boy from Vietnam. She has an older biological boy & girl like you. She is finding it extremely difficult. I think what you are going through is very normal.
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